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Ronnie Barker - A Class Apart

 
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Delmastiff
Astra Messiah
Astra Messiah


Joined: 29 Apr 2005
Posts: 6441
Location: Herts / Essex Border

PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 3:31 pm    Post subject: Ronnie Barker - A Class Apart Reply with quote

This is absolutely hilarious and pure genius:

This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the seventies. Ronnie
Barker could say all this without a snigger (though god knows how many
takes). Irony is that they received not one complaint. The speed of
delivery must have been too much for the whining herds. Try getting
through it without converting the spoonerisms [and not wetting your
pants] as you read ...

--------------------------------------------------------

This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion.

Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and
shivelling shot.

At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.

The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge,
and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible
huckers; they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies. The sugly isters
had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let
Rindercella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared.

Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She
turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with
six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks

The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight
otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when
suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said
Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping
her slass glipper.

The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door
and the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her
leg and let off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted??" asked the prandsome
hince.

"Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge. When the
stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both
the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.

Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a
knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge
halls and a hig bard on.

He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince
lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a
follen swanny.

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davestar7
Astra Veteran
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Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 1267
Location: Swindon, Wiltshire

PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 4:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BRilliant!! laughing laughing laughing
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vauxhall_vixen
Astra Cutie
<font color=#FF8000>Astra Cutie</font>


Joined: 04 Sep 2005
Posts: 218
Location: bedfordshire

PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 5:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i gave up after 2 lines, too much effort for my little brain big grin
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madonmk1
Astra Craftsman
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Joined: 03 Sep 2005
Posts: 53
Location: dewsbury wyorks

PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 10:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

made me laugh, lol Very Happy
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Jason
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<font color=#FF8000>Rallyslag</font>


Joined: 29 May 2005
Posts: 5552
Location: Halifax on't couch or in't pub

PostPosted: Sat Oct 15, 2005 10:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That is class, just goes to show how much of a master of words and comedy he was.

He'll be sorely missed by British comedy, a very shy man who could have easily been a very well paid straight actor.

The only upshot of his death is that we can get educated again by some of his timeless comedy. I still watch Open all hours and Porridge on Sky Gold and so does my little lad (5year old), just goes to show that he was funny across the board. I remember watching with my dad the same way we do now.

RIP

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Chunk
Astra Old Hand
Astra Old Hand


Joined: 30 May 2005
Posts: 865
Location: Cheltenham

PostPosted: Sat Oct 15, 2005 5:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

vauxhall_vixen wrote:
i gave up after 2 lines, too much effort for my little brain big grin

laughing couldnt even be arsed to read it. laughing
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squeak
Astra Specialist
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Joined: 07 Sep 2005
Posts: 177
Location: bourne lincolnshire

PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 10:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

laughing love it! Just takes ages to read it all thats all!! Very Happy
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